In the words of Tiger Woods, “Hello world!” I have contemplated for months writing about chronic pain and pain management given what has transpired over the past 10 years or so, but wondered about the why, and about putting my info all over the net. Well, I have decided to try and write the honest truth about what living a life with chronic pain has and can look like.
As for the name of the blog, I don’t mean it as a command or hope that all of you out there (if anyone is reading) will “Feel my pain” nor would I want you to. As the years have piled on years with sometimes debilitating back pain, the truth has become overwhelmingly obvious that we live in a fallen world and the effects of sin not only cause anger, pride, selfishness, but truly have a physical element as well.
Feeling my physical pain every day is a constant reminder of the broken nature of the world in which we live. Living a life despite or in spite of chronic pain mirrors our struggle against our broken nature. In our hearts and minds we long to do certain things or act according to what we believe, but are faced with the reality that it is not easy. It is hard work. If we truly contemplated it, we may not get out of bed in the morning. We are desperate for a solution and hope for a better future.
Mine is the story of redemption in more ways than one. I am a Christian which means through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, my sin has been redeemed by his righteous life as a gracious gift. My life with chronic pain has also been a story of redemption, and eerily resembles our current state as Christians. It is the paradox of living in a state of being redeemed yet still sinful, and redeemed yet still painful.
What is the solution, where is the hope? I think one of the biggest realizations over the past year for me has been that in this life there will always be pain both physical and emotional. Earth shattering truth I know, but acknowledging it has made a world of difference in how I live my life. I can hole up in my bed with my pain or me and my pain can get out and live a life in community with others who are dealing with their own suffering, sorrows, tragedies, or pains. I long for the day when my body hurts no more, because it too has been redeemed. So, there is my answer. Community and faith.
I will try to write more about my past struggles with pain and what that has meant for my family, relationships, mental status, but I want to acknowledge that living in a fallen world does not just bring about physical ailments but a world of stumbling blocks leading to emotional pain. Death, broken trusts, divorce, not to mention life sometimes can just be hard, but I think for me the answer is still the same: community and faith.
Until next time.